This is not right… My silence with you has shown me I’m more myself when I’m alone.

This shouldn’t be the feeling, and never did I expect to feel this way. That being on my own would feel… easier. Not in a lonely way. Just quieter. I don’t have to think as much. I don’t have to filter what I say. Or think about how it’s going to be perceived. Or wonder if I’ve said too much, or not enough. or acted a certain way or di not.

I can just be… me…. And I didn’t realise how much I’d been holding onto until I didn’t have to anymore. The energy came back. There was no constant awareness. There was no second guessing. The small adjustments I make without even noticing.

They’re not there when I’m alone. And it feels different. Lighter, in a way I can’t really explain. Like I’m not trying to get it right.

I’m just… existing. And that’s what’s been sitting with me. Because it shouldn’t feel easier to be myself when no one else is around.

But right now, it does. And I don’t know what that means yet.