Daytime turns to night, turns to staring at the TV, not retaining a single thing I’m watching, and the mind keeps turning, faster then and pinball machine, but I don’t know when it starts. Because the day feels normal, it is when the lights go out, it is when everything goes quiet. Is it when there’s nothing else to focus on?

No conversations. No distractions. No noise to sit in.

That’s when it picks up. Thought after thought. Not even clear ones. Just fragments. Things I should have said or done. Things I shouldn’t have said or done. Things that didn’t feel right… even if I can’t explain why.

And it doesn’t stop. Even when I try to ignore it. Even when I tell myself it’s nothing. It just keeps going. Like my mind is trying to make sense of something I haven’t fully let myself feel. And I think that’s the part I don’t like sitting with.

Because it’s not just random thoughts. It’s things I’ve pushed past during the day. Things I didn’t want to deal with in the moment. And now they’re all here at once. It’s like different episodes from the week.

They are all just sitting there waiting. I don’t think it’s about not being able to switch it off. I think it’s that there’s too much I haven’t let settle.

And when everything else slows down…it finally has space to come through.

And it’s in these moments that things become clearer.